Autism Diagnosis: Still The Same Family

As many of you may already know, me and my family have been dealing with developmental delays with Leo. Therapists and doctors kept going back and forth between it being just a delay to something more. I have always felt like there was something more than just a delay but moved on and waited for it to become clear. 


This past October, I finally got a clear answer from our neurologist on Leo’s situation. The diagnosis – autism spectrum disorder. I thought hearing a diagnosis would make me feel nervous or sad or fear but instead it was a huge sigh of relief and gave me more hope and determination to do what’s right for my lil boy. 

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This diagnosis didn’t change who he is or who we are as a family. This diagnosis doesn’t define him, it is just another part that makes him who he is. Finally having a direction to go with all the symptoms and behavior is comforting. Before, I felt like I was reaching in all directions hoping something would catch and work. Now, I am able to create a plan of action. I can decide what treatments he needs and get him going on the right path. 

I have a new sense of determination to get organized and get going with treatment to help him. The first thing I decided to give a try since it wouldn’t hurt, was to cut out dairy. From the time we cut it out, two days later his behavior had drastically changed. He was more manageable and more reasonable than before. He was more willing to try to talk and was doing better with his eating habits. We have had him off dairy for about three month now and the results have been well worth the change in diet. 


He is hitting three years old this January so he has been reviewed to be put into preschool to help promote his growth and social interaction. I have such high hopes for Leo but know that disappointments may come. I plan to keep updating this blog with new information on Leo and his journey with autism. 

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If anyone has questions or advice, feel free to send me a comment! I hope this motivates, inspires, and can help people dealing with situations similar to mine. 

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Miscarriage: Born into Heaven

I’ve decided to share my story of miscarriage. I feel it help with the healing process and let’s others know they are not alone when it comes to this experience. You may feel alone in the hurt you feel but there are so many other women out there going through the same thing each and every day. 

I’ll start at the beginning, when I found out I was pregnant. I was actually attending a wedding in Lake Tahoe when I felt all nauseous but I brushed it off as just a long drive there. However, the next day it was worse so I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. 

This was a stressful and very unexpected pregnancy but still a joy to us. Once we got back home to Orange County we started organizing for this pregnancy. 

At 10 weeks pregnant I had my check up with my OB/GYN and we listened to the heartbeat. Everything seemed to be going fine. Then on Tuesday, November 29th, I had my first ultrasound. During the ultrasound I felt a little uneasy because I couldn’t get a clear view of the baby and I wasn’t able to see the usual fluttering of the heartbeat. However, the ultrasound technician didn’t say anything and that was it. 


That evening however, I got a call from my doctor. I could tell from the start that something was off. But he finally broke the news to me, “the baby is not viable, we couldn’t find a heartbeat and there was some head abnormality.” My stomach sank but I kept my composure while we finished our conversation agreeing that a D&C was the best choice to handle this situation due to the age of the baby. Based on the size and development, they estimated the baby to be 13 weeks and 3 days when it passed away. 

Once I hung up the phone, all the emotions rushed and hit me full force. My husband came into the livingroom as the tears streamed down my face and came to my side, not knowing what was wrong. Just happened that my sister and mom were both there too and came over to comfort me as well. My husband gave us space to handle some of the emotions and came back for us to talk about what had happened a few minutes later. 

I had my mom call my side of the family to let them know what happened and my husband called his side of the family. The emotions were too raw for me to have to talk to anyone. 


The following two days seemed to take forever and bothered me knowing the baby inside of me had passed away. So when Friday came for me to have the procedure, it was almost a relief to know some of this journey was coming to a close. 

I was lucky enough to know my nurse, my anesthesiologist and of course my OB/GYN so I felt like I was in safe hands for this operation. They all kept me in a positive mood, even down to the last few seconds I remember before going under. Once I came to from the anesthesia, most of my pregnancy symptoms were gone and a feeling of emptiness filled me. 


An hour later, I’m heading home, acceptance and relief filled me knowing I could move forward from this. Knowing God has a plan and a reason for everything is comforting. I know nothing happens by accident and everything has a purpose. I may not see that purpose but Gods plan isn’t meant for me to understand. Plus, He has already blessed me with two wonderful children that I am so thankful to have. I am taking this opportunity to focus more on them and enjoy every moment I’m given in this life to live in each moment. I can’t turn back time so I don’t want to waste the time I’m given. 


I hope other women can learn and feel hope from this post. I hope everyone else has a little more understanding of the pain but I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. This is the life I was given and I have learned to love all that is thrown at you, even the bad. 


Times may get tough and this tragedy may surface the emotions again, but I won’t let this hold me back from enjoying every second with my family and being thankful for the life God has given me. This child that was taken too soon will never be forgotten. I may not got to hold them but they will forever be in my heart. However, I couldn’t ask for a better husband and children than the ones I have. 

Only to Realize

Up in the mountains the wolf howls Loud enough to scare the owls 

No ones around to hear the cries, a faint shadow to a mans eyes. 

He looks up and down, side to side, to find his little girl no where in sight. He runs everywhere not trying to be a coward, following the screams which are becoming louder and louder. 

He stops to think this might be a dream, why would anyone wanna make my baby girl scream? 

He starts to panic, he starts to shake. To only realize he isn’t awake.

If Only For A Moment

If only for a moment

I could see who you are. 

Undress your clothes and see your scars

Let our feelings flow.

From songs to poems the intertwining of souls

β€’β€’β€’β€’β€’

If only for a moment

We could stare in each other eyes

The reflection of ourselves without any disguise

Holding you in my arms you begin to see

That there is nothing to hide from yourself or me

β€’β€’β€’β€’β€’

If only for a moment
I could tell you what it all means

Why the stars aligned and you are here with me

What we are to do with this life we share

A tale of love and loss for all those we care

β€’β€’β€’β€’β€’

If only for a moment

I could tell you it will all be okay

Close your eyes we’ll make it through the day

Caressing your neck

Kissing your lips

β€’β€’β€’β€’β€’

Reluctantly,

I relinquish my grip

Allowing you to sail alone,

Completely adrift.

Your eyes disappear in the night

And with it, the light from life

β€’β€’β€’β€’β€’

My soul starts to shrivel and cry

Becoming only bitter and dry

If I only had a moment to say

I love you and good-bye

If only for a moment

Our love could survive…