Family

Spring Tea: Spiritual Ambition

This past Saturday, I attended the Spring Tea at my church. It was a get together of about 500 women – we got to enjoy tea, brunch and a great message from the wife of our lead pastor.

Initially, I was nervous to go – I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t know many people going to this event. However, I really wanted to be a part of this and get to hear the message of “Spiritual Ambition”.


Arrival and Mingling

On arrival, there were men leading everyone to the main auditorium to find their assigned table. Once I found my seat, I left my purse to wander and admire all the beautifully decorated tables. Each table had a different theme and was elaborately styled – I had to wander to each and take a picture. It felt like I was at a wedding expo, viewing all the different styles and themes you could choose from. I ran into a few of my friends and our pastor as well. I’ve know the pastor since I was about 4 years old so it’s like he is family.

Me and Pastor Mike

My table


Brunch and Some Humor

After about a half hour, the servers brought out brunch and tea for everyone. Pastor Mike came and spoke for a minute and prayed for us before we ate.

It was so enjoyable to just sit and be able to chat with other likeminded women. Then they played a few comical videos for entertainment. One of my favorites was a video about the difference between a man and woman’s brain.


The Message

After brunch was cleared away, Pastor Mikes wife – Carlynn – began to go into the message for the spring tea.

She started by explaining who Charles Spurgeon is and what he did with his life (I love him so I already knew so much). But then she started to tell us about his wife, Susannah, and all she had to endure during her lifetime. As busy of a man as Charles was, she rarely let that bother her because she knew he was doing what God wanted him to do, preach the Word to people. She was also bedridden for 20 years of her life! She didn’t let that stop her, she went on to help get Charles sermons published and out to other pastors through her charity called “The Book Fund”. In one year’s time, Susannah distributed 3, 058 theological books to impoverished pastors. Nine years later, she distributed 71,000 copies. When Susannah passed away in 1902, she had distributed throughout England a total number 199, 315 theological resources.

I found this story to be amazing and spiritually moving! It made me question “In what way could we, as Christians, use our lives for the expansion of the Gospel?”

So I pray,

Lord,

May we each develop a drive and passion to share your Word and draw closer to You.

May You guide us and give us the tools to do Your Will.

Let us learn from Susannah, that even in brokenness and suffering, we use it to grow closer to Him and be able to open doors for others. Doors that wouldn’t be there without the suffering we faced. She always felt during her sufferings that Jesus Christ was  “a very present help in trouble.”

Amen.


I thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of this even and hope I was able to share some valuable information and inspire you to find what God has called you to do.

Cloe 💋

*This post was late due to a medical emergency. All is ok but didn’t get to update post until later.

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Family

Miscarriage: Born into Heaven

I’ve decided to share my story of miscarriage. I feel it help with the healing process and let’s others know they are not alone when it comes to this experience. You may feel alone in the hurt you feel but there are so many other women out there going through the same thing each and every day. 

I’ll start at the beginning, when I found out I was pregnant. I was actually attending a wedding in Lake Tahoe when I felt all nauseous but I brushed it off as just a long drive there. However, the next day it was worse so I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. 

This was a stressful and very unexpected pregnancy but still a joy to us. Once we got back home to Orange County we started organizing for this pregnancy. 

At 10 weeks pregnant I had my check up with my OB/GYN and we listened to the heartbeat. Everything seemed to be going fine. Then on Tuesday, November 29th, I had my first ultrasound. During the ultrasound I felt a little uneasy because I couldn’t get a clear view of the baby and I wasn’t able to see the usual fluttering of the heartbeat. However, the ultrasound technician didn’t say anything and that was it. 


That evening however, I got a call from my doctor. I could tell from the start that something was off. But he finally broke the news to me, “the baby is not viable, we couldn’t find a heartbeat and there was some head abnormality.” My stomach sank but I kept my composure while we finished our conversation agreeing that a D&C was the best choice to handle this situation due to the age of the baby. Based on the size and development, they estimated the baby to be 13 weeks and 3 days when it passed away. 

Once I hung up the phone, all the emotions rushed and hit me full force. My husband came into the livingroom as the tears streamed down my face and came to my side, not knowing what was wrong. Just happened that my sister and mom were both there too and came over to comfort me as well. My husband gave us space to handle some of the emotions and came back for us to talk about what had happened a few minutes later. 

I had my mom call my side of the family to let them know what happened and my husband called his side of the family. The emotions were too raw for me to have to talk to anyone. 


The following two days seemed to take forever and bothered me knowing the baby inside of me had passed away. So when Friday came for me to have the procedure, it was almost a relief to know some of this journey was coming to a close. 

I was lucky enough to know my nurse, my anesthesiologist and of course my OB/GYN so I felt like I was in safe hands for this operation. They all kept me in a positive mood, even down to the last few seconds I remember before going under. Once I came to from the anesthesia, most of my pregnancy symptoms were gone and a feeling of emptiness filled me. 


An hour later, I’m heading home, acceptance and relief filled me knowing I could move forward from this. Knowing God has a plan and a reason for everything is comforting. I know nothing happens by accident and everything has a purpose. I may not see that purpose but Gods plan isn’t meant for me to understand. Plus, He has already blessed me with two wonderful children that I am so thankful to have. I am taking this opportunity to focus more on them and enjoy every moment I’m given in this life to live in each moment. I can’t turn back time so I don’t want to waste the time I’m given. 


I hope other women can learn and feel hope from this post. I hope everyone else has a little more understanding of the pain but I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. This is the life I was given and I have learned to love all that is thrown at you, even the bad. 


Times may get tough and this tragedy may surface the emotions again, but I won’t let this hold me back from enjoying every second with my family and being thankful for the life God has given me. This child that was taken too soon will never be forgotten. I may not got to hold them but they will forever be in my heart. However, I couldn’t ask for a better husband and children than the ones I have. 

Creative Writing

Letter To My Abuser

I still remember

That rainy, cold day

In late March.

A day that will forever

Haunt me.

•••

I remember

Every heavy hand

That crossed my face.

The powerful fists

That cracked my bones.

•••

I remember

The pain I felt

Pulsating through my body

As you forced me down

Against my will.

•••

I remember

The fear

Of how far you might go

With all your rage.

As you threaten my life.

•••

You have scarred

My life with so much pain.

A constant nightmare

That lingers in my mind.

•••

So I write to you

As a reminder of all my pain.

You have left a mark

I will never

•••

Never forget.